Im 18 still living at home. i feel lonley,hurt,and worthless.how do i help myself over come those feelings?

im almost 19. with a 14 month old. ive been living with my mom and my younger sister for 5 months. its hard to be around them both. at one time it was hard to be in the same room as my mom. because as i enter she would have a diqusted look on her face. my mom cuts me off when im in the middle of a sentence..when me and my sis get in to it.my mom wouldnt et me tell my side of the story. later on i can here my sis talking bout what happend and she has my moms full attention. then my mom would come n yell at me threaten to call the cops if i do it again. it upset me a lot because we are only 1 year apart. theres not that much of a difference. they are both negitive people they dnt know how to be happy. my younger sister she has a short fuse. my mother she also but she yells @ me every time she tells me to do something. she demands. they like to say one thing then turn around and say its okay the next. my sister tells my mom on anything i do. my sister shifts blame. when she tells her side of the story she leaves out her doings. my mom only notices the negitive. she is not appreciative. they both like to talk bout me when im in the other room. i cant trust either. they take eacher others sides and gang up on me. i dont associate much with either. i feel i cant trust my mom cuz what ever happens to me she will go and blabber her mouth to my older sis. i feel my mom doesnt love respect or care bout me due to my past. i have history of self harm issues due to family arguements. i started to not go home. i started drinkin at 13 then that was my escape from them. i got in to the system and stayed there till i turned 18. i had a baby at 17. my mom has had temp. custody of him since he was 3 wks old. i wasnt ready i didnt even have my self together. still at that point i was drinking hard liquor bout every day. i lied to so many people i have stole things broke things manipulated people i hurt them at the time i didnt care.i just wanted to be out drinking. thats all i cared bout is getting alcohol.i started skippping in 8th grade. i have worked once for a period of 3-4 months. never went back to either. i dont have a education. my family is so negitive i isolate myself in my room. then they come to my door and yell. i see that they like to see me hurt it was pretty much every day thing.but april 20th was the last time i drank.from that day till now i have been sober without any help. i dont want to be that ugly person noone wants around. i wanted things at home to be better for all of us. so i talked to them indiviually told them how i felt and asked them if they can work on their attitudes and yelling. they said they would. 2 weeks later still the same stuff different day. my mom told me your a better person when your sober. so i stopped. that was one step on my part. i started taking responsibility for my actions . i have been honest. still earning trust back. i tried to help my sis and mom point them in a good direction.i kept but i can only do so much. i dont have anyone i feel comfortable with with sharing my feelings. i try a journal but it doesnt help i cant write my true feelings down.my mom once found it and read it. i dont want that. i have a man but i still feel the lonlinest in the world. recently i have been tryin to talk to them and they be huh? or what? it happens so often like people probably think i am talking to myself. i dont use alcohol or cut to escape anymore. i guess now i am stuffing my feelings. i feel worthless i feel i am 117 pounds of nothing. i dnt go to school i dont work. i dont have anyfriends. i feel like i am stuck in a sinkhole. sometimes it gets bad and where i dont care bout anything. not my son not myself. sometimes it'll be like it wouldnt be much of a differece if i was gone. i just hurt and hurt and hurt the way i get treated. i am a good person i am caring generous. i just dont see what they do.